TITLE: Transformers: The Last Knight
"Praying for the end of time is all that I can do, WHOO, WHOO... praying for the end of time so I can END MY TIME WITH YOU."
"It sucks. It's just noise."
Both quotes ran through my mind frequently as I sat through #TransformersTheLastKnight
. I also constantly thought about #KristenBell
("Booshit, booshit, booshit!"). Anything to take my mind off of what was happening before me.
I was pretty confident that I didn't need to see another #Transformers
movie... and now I'm certain. I found "Transformers: The Fifth One" utterly insufferable. I kept drinking and drinking, and this booshit kept going and going.
I'm not even a #MichaelBay
hater. But remember how much fun the first one was? I barely do anymore. All I know is that that was a much simpler time.
What is this one about? Good question. But from what I gather, Transformers were in cahoots with Merlin (played by #StanleyTucci
). Are you fucking kidding me? I mean really people. This is what we've come to?
, and #AnthonyHopkins
showed up to this shit too. Are you fucking kidding me? Hell, they even got #JoshDuhamel
to take time off from his busy, #Fergie
-plowing schedule to be here.
I feel like I'm dancing around the facts here. Every minute felt like an eternity. I could admire the visual artistry, but yet I felt like I was watching a walking talking junkyard half the time. The film is a visual spectacle, but more like a visual effects factory threw up. It's very loud, and very, very stupid. So is the dialogue. So are the characters. The humans are outlines, not people.
I couldn't wait for it to end. At one point, I had tears on the surface because there was so much time left. Again, Bay can make fun movies. But is he even having fun here? This is basically two and a half hours of pointless noise. A movie that spins its godawful wheels until it finally ends. I swear to fucking god, I never want to see another one. Ever. But I probably will, because I love torture.
But oh yeah, fuck this movie.