Sometimes all we want (and need) is to be listened to (heard). Sometimes we don't require advice. We need a heartfelt ear.
Sometimes we just need someone to hold #sacredspace
for us, and allow us to let it ALL out. The fears. The challenges. The decisions. The alternatives. The hesitations.
And in the talking, #clarity
I was overwhelmed the other day with a decision I needed to make (quickly). My #counsellor
just heard me out as I talked it through, and through, and through.
And in the talking I was able to make a choice that felt #aligned
with my #values
and long-term goals. I felt lighter. I felt good about my decision.
Had she said to me, 'you should do this', not only would have been grossly inappropriate, it would have halted my process.
Well-listening without 'shoulding', or listening without advice giving, is the number #1 #friendship
skill many of us could learn (yes even me sometimes). You don't need to be a counsellor or a coach to understand that listening without 'saving', empowers the person talking to come up with the answer/s themself (therefore rescuing themself). Breathe relief, you don't have to be the expert for your friend (or save them). If you feel like advice giving, a better way to go about it, is telling your friend a story from your own #experience
. For example, "I remember when I... it's not exactly the same as your situation but ... and this is what happened to me when..." Then, they can take on board something from your experience, or not (without being told they should). Or, ask open-ended questions to help them explore their options.
I think wanting to 'save' someone from the pain/indecision of their dilemma, is what makes us want to solve the problem for them (so we do come from a heartfelt place, in the attempt to rescue). But what about if we just allowed them to come up with their own answers? What about if we let them be their own #guru
? How would that effect their own #confidence
in their ability to make decisions?
I know sometimes, I want to ask for advice from friends. It even helps me sometimes, when I need to make a decision, to collect stories. The more stories I collect...