If you are feeling like your mental health has been suffering then the RIGHT THING TO DO is to open up to the people that you love, and talk about it with them. It's time that we stop putting our mental health aside because of what others may think. You are loved. The people that love you are there for you. Talk to them. ❤️ 📷: @bbrfoundation
🥀zurück zu dezember 🥀
schwere suzidgedanken, gefühle des kontrollverlustes aufgefüllt mit panischer angst vor mir selbst.
wozu bin ich in der lage?
das wusste ich selbst nicht so ganz, doch wusste sehr wohl, dass ich eigentlich noch nicht gehen möchte.
einen klinikaufenthalt lehnte ich ab, der zwangseinweisung durch lügen gerade so entkommen.
das, was ich von der welt bisher gesehen habe, kann nicht alles sein, was sie zu bieten hat.
auch wenn diese chance oft eher einem aushalten und zurückhalten gleicht..
I’m doing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) at the moment. And I’m really improving. But I’ve realised my mental and physical recovery is something I will need to work on everyday of my entire life.
In DBT we talk a lot about how in every situation there can be two truths. These are some of my two truths over the last few weeks.
I am proud that I am 3months sober AND ashamed and sad that I can’t control alcohol.
I am very happy with the people in my life AND I miss people that aren’t in it anymore.
I am recovering AND I have bad days.
I am doing physical rehab AND in pain.
I have lost almost 80kgs AND I stress about how I look everyday.
I am happy AND sad, proud AND feel shame, I’m courageous AND have fear.
I am confident AND extremely insecure.
I am succeeding AND have a long way to go.
This week I’ve had a panic attack AND laughed so hard it hurts.
I let people in AND put up walls.
I’m passionate about becoming a voice and advocate for mental health AND terrified of failure.
Humans are not simple. Everything we think and feel has many dimensions. DBT is teaching me that nothing is good or bad it just is.
I wanted to share this because I do like to show when I’m doing well but also love being authentic and telling my story truthfully 💕
i feel that kind of weird pain in my chest right now
i knew it was coming
i knew from before i went to sleep
so i took the full dose of the medicine
i knew today wasn't gonna be a good day
i putted a note on my whatsapp "please do not disturb, i'll come back in 24hours"
i still dont know if knowing what is gonna come its a good or bad thing
but im certainly that is more inclined to be a good thing
ive been going to therapy for almost 4y and on meds for 3y
both of them - therapist and doctor - are the best human beings on earth and im incredible lucky
i definitely wouldn't be here if wasn't for them
idk sometimes when you're stabilize for some time and things are going well you think that's it, i'll be ok, finally im in a good place
out of nowhere
you're down and hostage of your symptoms again
and this crise is going on for at least two months that feels more like two ages
and i don't know when it will go away
and i know ive to deal with it
JUST FUCKING FUCK IT
im tired and tired and tired
its too much
its too sorrow
or too euphoric
or too angry
sometimes even too anxious
just fuck it
give me a fucking break for christs sake
im just tired
im just really, really tired.
ps: if someone ever read this just know it will pass. be patient with yourself and your body. healing takes time. hold tight. it will pass.
photo from tumblr; sorry warn me for credits
#borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderliner #borderlinepersonality #mentalillness #help #helpmehelpyou #tryingbepositive #overcoming #overcomefear #overcomer #tryingnewthings #spellingout #unburden #unburdenyourheart #wreak #outflow #outburst #writing #spiritualwritter #writtersinstagram #writtenword #writter #writterscommunity
My bitch baby Moon has been chilling w me a lot: been going through a period of really bad mh but I’m through it! First kind of blip since the new year. Over the weekend I was just doing full blown crisis prevention and battling with myself HARD. But for the past few days I’ve been eating healthy, exercising, using mindfulness, and I’ve got in contact with my tutor so I can catch back up with whatever I missed. It’s ok to fall off the wagon, I get back up and dust myself off a hell of a lot quicker now than I used to and I’m so equipped now at understanding my bpd and tackling it. Take care of urselves 💖#mentalhealth #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #anxiety #depression #dbt #mindfulness
Warum bemängelst du an mir eigentlich die selben Dinge die andere an dir bemängeln?
Du hängst in der vergangenheit fest, alles dreht sich nur um vergangenes. Jahre ists her das es mal so war, aber na klar, du hast recht wie immer. Nach dir sind wir der Meinung, wir haben immer recht. Dabei bist du der sich Verhält als wüsste er alles. Meine Anspannung irgendwo ganz da oben und du, du haust halt gerade nochmal drauf.
Ich hab nicht immer "schlechte Laune".
Ich bin K R A N K.
Das alles ist kein Spaß, das ist wirklich in meinem Kopf.
Und jetzt stell' dir vor du hast ne Krankheit potenziell tödlich und kannst dir nicht einmal mehr leisten in ne Klinik zu gehen. Du hastn Kind, musst zuhause bleiben, MUSST Ambulant klar kommen. MUSST alle Symptome irgendwie beenden, weil man ja Mutter ist und sich zusammen reißen soll.
So frei nach dem Motto Wie du hast Asthma? Es ist doch genug Luft da.
Mein Kopf explodiert, ein reines Chaos.
Ich bin genervt und tief traurig, doch es muss weiter gehen. Immer weiter gehen.
Übrigens fehlst du mir noch immer sehr, alle Beiträge zu dir Archiviert doch in meinem Kopf funktionierts nicht. Funktioniert nichts.
2 years we lost a very special person called Theresa, who really was like a mum to me she showered me with love and affection from when I first met her 17 yrs ago she helped me with my daughter and treated me like one of her own, always gave me a hug hello and goodbye. She showed me how precious I was and how loved I was.
I last saw Theresa 2012 when I turned up drunk at her house very upset and went to her for help she made me a cup of tea and gave me one of her amazing cuddles and calmed me down, she always knew how to deal with me and make me feel better.
I moved away and lost touch because of difficult circumstances and have always thought in my head I miss Theresa I need to see her but I was too embarrassed that I looked a right state because I've put too much weight on etc and I've been diagnosed with a mental illness etc. My anxiety got the better of me and unfortunately I didn't get the chance to see her one last time because I left it too late and now she's gone. I love her and I miss her so much. 😇💜 When I was in the darkest place I've ever been on 23rd Feb, when I took a massive overdose, I wished soo much I could of spoke to you I was soo embarrassed of what had happened and that I was taken in by a evil manipulative person. You would of helped me see it along time ago. You always taught me to watch people's actions and that time I didn't. You always told me people never change. I just wanted it to stop because I've had enough of the situation and that vile nasty controlling witch. I hope you can forgive me for trying to take my own life. 💜🌈😇 #gone #but #never #forgotten #like #a #mother #to #me #grief
#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #anxiety #intrusivethoughts #delusionalthoughts #myheadplaystricksonme #ocd #depression #bipolar #mentalhealthawarness #suicidalthoughts #i #have #a #war #in #my #mind
As a couple, we have faced challenges I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
Choosing to end a pregnancy is something you carry for the rest of your life.
I used to think that getting pregnant and staying pregnant with a healthy baby would be the hardest thing we would face next.
Except it wasn’t.
As a family we have been on such a turbulent journey over 10 months.
Four of those months were spent inside the grounds of The Bethlem Royal Hospital for a second time in my life.
I owe so much of my life to this hospital.
The first time it quite simply saved me from death by starvation, the second, from my own destructive mind.
At my first appointment with my GP at 5 weeks pregnant, back in September 2017, I expressed how horribly anxious I was already. She immediately referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health Team.
This service proved to be invaluable and I had weekly appointments with the consultant and a psychologist throughout my entire pregnancy.
We worked through coming to terms with terminating our last pregnancy, the extreme anxiety during this pregnancy and how to parent after a loss.
In the weeks following Jake’s birth, my mental health took a turn for the worse.
Jake had silent reflux and cried in discomfort for long periods of time.
He struggled to breastfeed and take formula.
The sleep deprivation, the isolation, fluctuating hormones, feeding struggles, anxiety from being a new mum and insane guilt I carried sent my mood plummeting. Add to this, the 9 months of anxiety, worry, guilt and history of trauma from being pregnant again after a loss which combined, sent me spiralling into a deep depression.
I found it difficult to be around Jake which I hated myself for.
I had wanted him so much so why was I now feeling so awful, resenting him and wishing he wasn’t here? Why did I feel like it was the worst decision we’d made? Why wasn’t I feeling like I was supposed to? Why did I not feel like I loved him?
Suddenly, I was more aware of what we may have missed out on with our other child. I wondered if they would look alike? If personalities and milestones would be similar? Would their smiles and laughter be the same?
Continued in comments...
Sometimes it's about finding your own path 🌸 ⠀
Follow the #recoverydiaries
for insights about recovery and transformation 🌱
Off out for lunch for my sisters birthday ♥️
I had a really interesting therapy session today. I learned quite a few things about myself. My therapist says I'm incredibly self-aware and good at analysing myself. Sessions are so much easier and less tiring now that we use Skype. I was talking about how he has to keep repeating certain things and it makes me feel like a bad patient - why am I not taking it in? He laughed and said 'You're not bad. It's incredibly difficult and complex and the hurt child in you will hold onto trauma because it's the only way it knows how to communicate distress'. I'm not good at taking compliments. He said that whenever he gives one I brush it off and move on - but in order to feel health we need to recognise positive things about ourselves (and our day) and let them in. If we only focus on bad things we keep ourselves in a bad place. So my homework this week is to try to absorb the good things he said. I suddenly realised that when he says I'm doing well with certain things, what I hear is "You're doing well because there isn't anything wrong with you and there never was." ..... I don't hear the silent brackets of "(I recognise things were really shit and you still have struggles)" that precedes the sentence. I feel like I need to hear that part for them to recognise and solidify that it was real and valid and awful. But of course that's the child part again and I'm trying to become an adult. The fact that I came to this conclusion myself was very important, he said. I also realised that the part of me that wasn't heard as a child and so desperately needed care and validation is actually being heard now!! I have a therapist who cares and is listening to me and wants to help. So why is the child still screaming out? Perhaps it feels like it's not enough? Or that moving on from the trauma shits all over what she went through and she wants it to be remembered? It's a long haul to get past all this but I do so want to be well and I will try my best. (If you haven't already, go check out the furry fam @furriendsoftheshire